The fight begins

August 30, 2011

A pill bug or a roly poly; we all know what kind of insect I am talking about, right?  You know; the bug that curls up into a little ball if danger is near.   Well, that is how I am feeling.  Like danger is near and  I just want to curl up in a little ball until all of this is over.  Over and done with, actually.  No more cancer, no more pills, no more worries.  And we really have just started this whole thing.  I believe it is a stage of grief.  Mom is feeling it too.  More so than any of us because it is directly affecting her.  When I talked to her yesterday, she said that she feels like she doesn’t want any of this and doesn’t want to go through any of the treatments.  Who could blame her?  I don’t want to do any of this either, none of us do.  Perfectly normal feelings.  We talked about how we both know that God is in control here and we can trust in that, but we also know that these are valid feelings and thoughts.  God does not value us any less because of those feelings.  You know how when you truly love someone you just want to take all their pain away.  Try and make it better somehow so that they don’t have to experience it at all or experience it alone.  How I wish I could do that for her.

But, now to the killing of the cancer!  She started her chemo treatment today with an I.V. of Valcade and the Zometa for bone strength.  She will start the Revlimid on Thursday or Friday depending when the delivery is to the house.  She will take the Decadron (10 small pills) on Saturday as they are to give her a boost of energy and she would like to have her energy on Sunday for church.  Praises that she did not get nauseous or have any side effects today from the drugs so keep praying that that will continue throughout the treatment. Next chemo treatment will be on Friday.

Obviously, they prayers are helping all of us through this and we appreciate the well wishes and hugs and visits from family and friends.

D Day

August 26, 2011

D day…Verdict is in as far the cancer has advanced.  The bone marrow results show the myeloma is 30-40% in the cells.  The good news is the urine test did not show any of the protein spilling into the urine and the blood still does not show abnormally high levels of protein.  So…….I guess in layman’s terms it means we start a course of treatment next week.  Two oral chemo drugs and one i.v.  We would also be starting an i.v. of Zometa which is a drug to help strengthen the bones.  A visit to U of M will occur in the next few months to go over options of a bone marrow transplant and what that all involves and see if she can get her cancer in remission enough to do that.  Dr. Zakem will also monitor her as to how these chemo drugs are affecting the cancer and make any alterations necessary.  The problem with him monitoring her specific cancer is that it is not presenting itself in her blood or urine so he cannot go by those levels to see if the chemo is helping. He said he has ways of monitoring the levels so we can be rest assured he will keep on top of it.   The chemo itself will take approximately 4 months with 2 weeks on and one week off.

Overwhelming is the word I find coming to the tip of my tongue.  Drugs, visits, appointments, paperwork….it all seems so daunting.  I find my mind on overload so I can only imagine how my folks must be feeling.  I know that Zakem’s office is taking care of a lot of the mind numbing prescriptions and dosage information and they will be getting all of that on Tuesday when she goes for her first treatment.

So, how is mom feeling?  She says that this is like having your life whittled away; one piece at a time.  Well, if we are whittling away some pieces, I am confident of the final masterpiece God has planned for her.  Isn’t He the ultimate artist anyway?  Look around at what He has created.  As I watch her pray while we wait for the nurse, I think that all of our lives are being whittled, shaped, and molded by our life’s journey's.  Every decision, every challenge, every day, brings us closer to being the man or woman God intended us to be all along.  How we appear along the way and what we show of ourselves to others is a testament to our true character.

Pray that mom’s body is accepting of the chemo and that the side effects will be minimal.

I remember

August 23, 2011

As I sit on my front deck overlooking Mona Lake as the water glistens like a bowl full of diamonds, I wonder when my parents grew old.  I still picture them both in our living room practicing disco dancing.  My mom with her afro and my dad wearing his shirt open to his navel exposing the gold medallions hanging around his neck.  Gross, but hey, those were the days.  And I suppose since they were in their thirties, it wasn’t so gross for that crowd.  I travel on to when my girls were born and they would snatch them away from us claiming we needed time to ourselves but I know now they wanted to time to be grandparents.  Spoil them rotten and send them home was definitely the motto.  I resented it then but remember it fondly.  The years fly by and still they are the same.  A little grayer, a little slower, but still they look as I have always pictured them. 

Actions, however, are different.  Somehow the years and life experiences have softened them.  Not as short or gruff but more loving and patient.  Things I hope to be.  I remember my mom saying to be just a few months ago, when I believe all of this started, “I feel old.”  I think it was the fact that she had to slow down.  Couldn’t do what she used to without feeling some twinges of pain.  I am not ready to picture them that way….

But, on to the tasks at hand.  Our next appointment is with Dr. Zakem on Friday, August 26.  We will go over the results of the 24 hour urine, the bone marrow biopsy, blood work, and set up our chemo treatments.  Our chemo treatments….hah!  Like this is all about “us”.  I guess I say us, including all who read this, because it affects us all.  Not in the same ways, but we are all involved in this process.  Prayers, good deeds, cards, thoughts, and visits are all a part of helping mom and dad through this challenge.  I know that God is all sustaining and by calling upon Him we can get through anything.

Third Consultation

August 19, 2011

This morning, prayers were answered as mom went through the bone marrow biopsy with flying colors.  Although they needed three people to try to take the biopsy, it was not very painful or uncomfortable.

The consultation with Dr. Zakem went very well. He did not recommend radiation treatment for mom as he feels the pain is not really caused by the lower bones but by the nerves along the sides because of the collapse of T8.  Therefore he did not feel it would do her any good.

He did order more blood work and a urine analysis to determine how much protein is in her urine and the plasma tests will be a better factor in determining how advanced the cancer is.  Depending on how those results come out will be a deciding factor if she is a candidate for stem cell treatment as well.  Usually if you are over 70, they do not recommend the stem cell transplant but because of mom’s age and overall health, he would highly consider it.

The treatment plan would be to do chemo for 3-4 months to get her into remission and then go from there.  There are three different types of drugs that he would use if we are anticipating stem cell transplant in the future as they have had good results with the combination.  The one would be Revlimid which is a thalidomide which caused birth defects in the 50’s but I don’t think that is an issue here.  The two drugs would be oral and the other an iv.  The side effects should be minimal as well so there is good news there.

Cancer is at the forefront of my mind constantly.  I cannot imagine living like this for years and I am not the one personally experiencing it.  It seems like you would always think any ache or pain would be “cancer”.  Whether it is getting worse or coming back, the thought would always be there. 

The strength God has given my mother is amazing to me.  I have not seen or heard her complain of her future, her past or her present.  She is always thankful for what she has been blessed with.  Oh, she complains about things; being in the chair, her hair getting too long to do anything with, waiting around for others to do for her what she used to do for herself.  But through it all, she thanks God for what she can do.  Confident He will restore her to the point where she will be able to serve Him in a way that will bring Him the most glory. 

I remember when I was young, thinking that my parents knew nothing.  Well, nothing is a little strong, but they certainly didn’t know what I was going through or feeling.  Now, I can look back with experienced eyes and see that they were trying to spare me the heartache they may have already experienced or I was headed towards.  Oh, to know then what I know now.  It seems as if my mother is more of a teacher to me now when I am an adult than I allowed her to be when I was a child.

Radiology oncology consultation

August 18, 2011 9:00 am

Today's visit with Dr. Tate, radiology oncologist, was a productive or a more informative one. The bone scans came back
and it showed the lesions at T8 (which was the one Dr. Hamati did the kyphoplasty on) T11, T12 and T3 and T4 all had small lesions.
There were also a few small lesions on her skull, which Dr. Tate said was quite common in MM and the biggest lesion
was on her pelvic area which appears to be around 1 inch. His recommendation would be to radiate T8, T11,
and T12 to hopefully get rid of the pain she is having around her sides. This treatment would be a course of
12-15 treatments lasting approximately 10-15 minutes each time. He recommends chemo as well as the radiation
treatment so the chemo can kill the other lesions.
He said the side effects with this radiation should be minimal because of the low dose he would use on this
type of cancer. He sounded very upbeat and proactive. Plus.......ladies, he is very easy on the eyes:)
Tomorrow will be our toughest day because it is the bone marrow biopsy which is quite "uncomfortable" and
then we have the second opinion with Dr. Zakem in the afternoon.

One Week Later

August 17, 2011

I think the waiting is the worst. Wait for appointments.  Wait for results.  Wait for other tests.  I have always been a doer.  If there is a problem, what can I do to fix it?  Now…it seems like I can’t do anything but wait.  Everyone wants something to do in times of trouble.  Can I sit with you?  Can I cook something? (our family is good at eating and that is always a good one)  Can I clean something?  Can I do, do, do?  The hardest realization is that whatever I do is not going to fix the problem.  She will still have cancer.  Still have pain.  Still be sick. 

I have always envied my mom when it omes to giving up control.  She has continuously given control to God.  The first thing she does is give it all to Him.  First?!  Me…..I research, plot, plan and try to see which solution will work the best.  Then and only then will I pray that I am making the right choice.  So, you may ask…”How is that going for you?”   Duh!  Because of examples my mom has given me and the continued lessons God places upon me, I am seeing that the only way to deal with problems are to turn to Him first.  Ask for direction and answers.  Guidance from Him.  I have noticed that when I do that, I am more comfortable with my decisions.  It is not always easier, but I am more at peace with decisions I make.

In the beginning

After a few weeks of pain and doctor appointments and going from one thing to another, we have finally found the reason for the pain in the back.  After a quick MRI at Spectrum and another ER visit, this time to Mercy, we discovered mom had a compression fracture in the T8 vertebrate.  Dr. Hamati also said there were some spots on the spine that were suspicious and he also wanted to know why she had a fracture when no trauma was noted.  He stated he would do a biopsy and let us know after the surgery.  He performed a kyphoplasty which is putting cement into the vertebrate which will help the fracture.  After he did the procedure, he came and told us he believed she had multiple myeloma.  At the time, he said the T8 was quite mushy which would be the cancer at work and there were several spots along her spine in which he believed the cancer has spread but is not causing any fractures at this time.

After a few days in the hospital and many different med trial and errors, we finally got her pain under better control and left the hospital on Saturday, August 13.  She is able to stand better and walk without the horrible back pain, but the pain in her side area along the front is still there.  She is currently taking Skelaxin, Percocet, Ultram and a Fentenyl patch for pain.

We had a first consult with Dr. Siphai, oncologist, on Monday, August 15 where he scheduled bone scan and bone marrow biopsy.  He wants to start a chemo treatment and perhaps radiation if necessary.  His first priority is to get her into remission which really sounds good to all of us.  The bone scan was performed on Monday and the biopsy will be on Friday.  We have a radiation consult on Thursday with Dr. Tate here in Muskegon and then we have a second opinion with an oncologist in GR out of Metro named Dr Zakem.  We will see what his initial diagnosis is and go from there. 

We are praying for healing and peace during all of this and trust that the Lord will guide us in our decisions and treatment options.