August 17, 2011
I think the waiting is the worst. Wait for appointments. Wait for results. Wait for other tests. I have always been a doer. If there is a problem, what can I do to fix it? Now…it seems like I can’t do anything but wait. Everyone wants something to do in times of trouble. Can I sit with you? Can I cook something? (our family is good at eating and that is always a good one) Can I clean something? Can I do, do, do? The hardest realization is that whatever I do is not going to fix the problem. She will still have cancer. Still have pain. Still be sick.
I have always envied my mom when it omes to giving up control. She has continuously given control to God. The first thing she does is give it all to Him. First?! Me…..I research, plot, plan and try to see which solution will work the best. Then and only then will I pray that I am making the right choice. So, you may ask…”How is that going for you?” Duh! Because of examples my mom has given me and the continued lessons God places upon me, I am seeing that the only way to deal with problems are to turn to Him first. Ask for direction and answers. Guidance from Him. I have noticed that when I do that, I am more comfortable with my decisions. It is not always easier, but I am more at peace with decisions I make.
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